Asking the court to excuse or adapt divorce mediation

Utah requires at least one mediation session in a contested divorce. It also lets people out of that requirement for good cause. This guide is about the second part: who can excuse you, how to ask, what to say, and what to request if the session goes ahead anyway.

If you are in danger right now, call 911. The Utah Domestic Violence Coalition's LINKLine is free, confidential, and open 24 hours: call or text 1-800-897-5465.

Last checked: October 19, 2026, against Utah Code 81-4-403, the Utah Rules of Court-Annexed ADR as the courts describe them, and the courts' Motion to Excuse Mediation page. This is general information, not legal advice.

The rule and the exception

Utah Code 81-4-403 creates a mandatory domestic mediation program. If any contested issues remain after an answer is filed in a divorce, the parties must participate in good faith in at least one mediation session before the case moves forward. The cost is split equally unless the court orders or the parties agree otherwise. Our guide on Utah's divorce mediation requirement walks through the rule.

The exception is in the same section. The director of the courts' dispute resolution programs, the court, or the mediator may excuse either party from the requirement for good cause. The statute does not define good cause and does not mention domestic violence or protective orders.

The courts' Motion to Excuse Mediation page fills in one example. Reasons vary case by case and "may include one or both parties do not feel safe or able to fully express themselves in a mediation process." That is the closest the courts come to naming safety as a ground, and it is the language to use.

Three ways to ask

The ADR office. The courts' Alternative Dispute Resolution office accepts a request on its own form, sent by email. This is the quickest route and does not require a court hearing.

The mediator. Once a mediator is assigned, they can excuse a party. Rostered divorce mediators must have at least six hours of training in screening for domestic violence, so a mediator should recognize the situation if you describe it.

The court. A Motion to Excuse Mandatory Divorce Mediation, filed in your divorce case. In judicial districts one through four, a commissioner decides it. In districts five through eight, a judge does.

The routes are not exclusive. The courts' page says that if the ADR office or the mediator denies the request, you can still ask the court. Start with whichever is fastest and escalate if needed.

What to put in the request

Say plainly why you do not feel safe or able to speak freely. Facts carry more weight than labels. If a protective order exists, attach it. If there is a criminal case, give the case number. If there is a history that never reached a court, describe it briefly and specifically. If you have an attorney, this is their document to write. If you do not, Legal Aid Society of Salt Lake and Utah Legal Services help with family matters for people who qualify.

Do not wait for the mediation date. The timelines in a contested divorce are short, and an excusal requested early avoids a scramble.

If mediation goes ahead

Sometimes the request is denied, or a party decides to go through with mediation because the parenting questions are worth settling by agreement. Then the question becomes how to do it safely.

Here is the honest state of the written rules: the courts' pages say nothing about separate rooms, shuttle mediation, video sessions, or how a no-contact term applies to attending mediation. There is no form to request those arrangements. They depend on the mediator, the attorneys, and, where a protective order is in force, on the court that issued it.

So ask for what you need in writing, before the session, and copy your attorney:

• separate rooms, or separate video connections, with the mediator moving between you;
• no direct communication between the parties at any point, including before and after the session;
• your attorney or a support person present with you;
• scheduling that does not put the two of you in the same building at the same time, including arrival and departure.

If a protective order is in place, none of this replaces the order. A session is contact, and only the court that issued the order can authorize it. Our guide on mediation when there is a protective order explains why, and what a private mediator will and will not do.

What excusal does and does not change

Being excused removes the mediation step. The divorce then proceeds to the court for the contested issues. It does not affect the rest of the process: the required classes for parents, the 30-day waiting period, and the court's authority over custody, support, and property are all unchanged. Our guide on what to expect in Utah divorce mediation describes the session for people who are going ahead with it.

Salt City Mediation is not on the court's roster and cannot run the required session. David Ring III is currently completing the additional training the court requires for its domestic roster. If you are preparing for a court process and want a private, one-person session to sort your list and practice saying what you need, that is something we can do, and the free 15-minute consult is the place to ask.

Where to get help

• Emergency: 911.
• Utah Domestic Violence Coalition LINKLine, 24 hours, call or text: 1-800-897-5465.
• Divorce Mediation Help Line at the courts' ADR office: 1-800-620-6318.
• Legal Aid Society of Salt Lake for Salt Lake County, Utah Legal Services, and the Timpanogos Legal Center hotline at 801-649-8895.

Common questions

What counts as good cause to skip divorce mediation in Utah?

The statute says only good cause and leaves it to the decision-maker. The courts' excusal page gives one example: one or both parties do not feel safe or able to fully express themselves in a mediation process. A protective order, a history of violence, or a criminal case between the parties are the kinds of facts that fit that example, but no source we found makes any of them automatic. You have to ask and explain.

Who can excuse me from divorce mediation?

Three decision-makers: the courts' Alternative Dispute Resolution office, the mediator assigned to your case, or the court itself by motion. In the first four judicial districts a commissioner decides the motion. In districts five through eight a judge does. If the ADR office or the mediator says no, you can still ask the court.

Can divorce mediation happen without being in the same room?

The courts' pages do not describe separate rooms, shuttle mediation, or video safeguards, so there is no written rule to point to. In practice these arrangements depend on your attorney, the mediator, and the court. Rostered divorce mediators must have at least six hours of training in domestic violence screening. Raise safety with the mediator and your attorney before the session, in writing, and ask the court if you need an order.

David Ring III

Mediator and founder of Salt City Mediation LLC. Founder of EmpathEase, an app for practicing empathy and Nonviolent Communication. Completed Utah Dispute Resolution's 40-hour mediation training in 2026.

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